I’ve had a few emails in the last few weeks asking about what is the best way to get into the ‘scene’ (our name for the fetish community) and my answer is always the same; the journey into fetish is a personal one, so my way may not work with you. This is all about self-discovering and above all, about having fun in a safe way. I can’t tell you what to do to get the most out of the scene, or what events to go to, but what I can give you is an insight into my journey so far. I mention so far because my journey is far from over, and there are still a million and one things I want to try/figure out.
I was introduced to the scene a few years ago through one of my oldest friend. I was going through some dark times, and he thought it would do me some good to head to a club he recently went called Anti Christ. I remember how my jaw dropped to the floor when I heard such a name, and also realising that my ‘vanilla’ friend was not so vanilla after all. Anyways, I went to AC a few weeks later and it was an eye opener. For me, unlike the majority of people, I was attracted to the dark aesthetic of the scene, not necessarily the sex. My first job back when I was 16 was as a go-go dancer at Cyberdog (I know!!!) so I have always been curious about the cybergoth and trad goth look, as well as the leather/latex aesthetic. I was also feeling a bit lonely during that time and the scene provided me with a safe and warmth blanket consisting of the most kind and loving people I have ever met. I was hooked.
After Anti Christ, I did all the club-esque events so I am talking about TG, Imaginarium, Reptile (which is not fetish but is definitely goth), Verboten, Rumpus and so on. For a while I was just focused on the music, the clothes and the people. The dungeons and the fetish was an after thought, mainly because I was married back then so I was restricted, and also because I was still going through a mild depression. Nonetheless, after a few months of clubbing I wanted something different so I went to my first ‘fetish’ event which was Subversion. That night I met a lovely Dom who took me under his wing and the rest, as they say, is history. From there I started to go to dungeon and more private events, and I explored the physical and psychological aspects of fetish. I was very lucky to have the Dom I had, and I know not everyone would be this lucky, but the journey was still very much in my hands and I did what felt right at all times.
In terms of events, I have done quite a few to the point that I think I only have 3 or 4 names left on my list. This may be seen as a bit of an overkill, but I am someone who needs to know anything and everything about a topic before I can decide where my place is. I also have a bit of an obsessive personality. I watched a lot of scenes (people playing), I read a lot and I asked as many questions that I could. I learnt about how to do impact play, wax play, bondage, age play and so on. And I am still learning, not only about skills but also about what I like and what I need – this leads to my last point.
Fetish is a journey, and mine was slow but very in-depth. At one point it did take over my life, and while that was exhilarating and amazing, it was simply not sustainable for my lifestyle. And that is the thing – you can let fetish be your lifestyle or you can dip in and out as you wish. That is the beauty of it all. There are no right or wrong answers. For some people, it is a bit of fun. For others, it provides them with much needed structure and support. For me, it provides me with energy, and motivation. Some people I know go to events, others never been to one. Some are very kinky, others are asexual. We are all a bunch of friendly misfits and that is what makes us amazing.
If you want to know more but don’t know where to start, I suggest you sign up to Fetlife and take it from there. It can be a bit overwhelming, but if you can read articles, learn about upcoming events and meet some friendly people (still, beware of creeps, they are everywhere in the world!)
So have fun, and enjoy the ride!