{Erotica} A Lousy Submissive

To celebrate my birthday week, I’ve decided to bring you something a bit different. I’ve been wanting to dip my toes into some storytelling for quite some time but inspiration was seriously lacking, until now. What you are about to read is based on a night I was lucky enough to experience recently. I have obviously added a few ‘embellishments’ because why not? I hope you enjoy.

How does that saying go? Be careful what you ask for, ‘cause you may just get it? Hmmmmm….

For as long as I’ve been ‘kinky’, I’ve always been curious to see if I could ever submit to someone. I am not referring to the times I have sat on a bench during a scene while someone had a go at flogging me or something of a similar nature. No, I am not referring to that. What I mean is to truly submit – that is, to give up control and to let someone else have power me.  Up to now, I never had to follow orders, much less to obey someone. But I know I’ve wanted to try it, because quite frankly, I have a thing for feeling uncomfortable.

I guess this curiosity of mine was more than a simple itch, as somehow I managed to manifest it into the universe and it responded by ‘dumping’ a mischievous boy into my life. I guess before proceeding with the rest of this story, I should introduce him somehow.

I met the boy through a common friend, over one of those zoom events during lockdown which I was starting to loathe but had no other option as it was either that or another night spent scrolling aimlessly at Netflix. By this point I have been indoors for over 2 weeks and even as the introvert that I am, I was desperate for some social interaction and laughter. 

From the moment I laid my eyes on him, I knew he was different. Mind you, zoom screens don’t really give up much, but from the little I could see, I knew he wasn’t your average Joe. Long brown hair framed his thin face and mischievous eyes whilst his facial hair of choice was a goatee (!) I remember having the words ‘Paris, 1850s ’ appear on my mind and deciding that it was not a bad look. Not at all. I guess you could say I have a thing for period aesthetics.

Long story short, what started as an online event, transpired into a meeting which was sealed with a kiss and a promise of three dates. A trilogy of sorts, you could say.

And this is how, in the shortest summary ever written by me, we ended up here, tonight. The third act of this somewhat insane and yet, most effortless and natural affair.

It’s Monday afternoon, and we are both standing in front of a pink door on a quiet street by a coastal town. We have spent the day eating ice creams and playing arcades games, whilst the night before was spent devouring each other’s bodies as if the world were ending. Even though his body perfectly fits against mine, and he has quickly become like home to me, he is still very much a stranger to me. He has this strange effect on me where the more he tells me, the less I feel I know him. But is better this way.

When we were planning this short trip, I knew he had some plans for the last night – but I didn’t think much of it. Maybe I feared what he would have in store, or it just didn’t occur to me to foresee what he could want. Knowing what I know now, I should have given it some thought so as not have freaked out as much as I did.

The inconspicuous door had one of those modern keyless locks, so the boy types the pin with one hand, while gently grabbing the back of my neck with the other. For some reason, I am wondering if I could have an ice cream…I guess my mind was trying to distract me from what was happening. He opens the doors, allowing me through first. You see, he can be a gentleman…sometimes.  

I am met with a dark hall, adorned with gold banisters leading the way upstairs into the kitchen. A mix of pop art and rockabilly posters make up the walls. On the first floor, there is a shiny black kitchen, a gold sofa bed and a Corbusier recliner, with an impressive collection of classic erotica and more obscure titles. Another set of stairs lead to the terrace – this time the banisters are embellished with barbies entwined into compromising positions.  ‘I must do this to my house’ I keep telling myself, still not really thinking about the night ahead.  

Mind you, we briefly discussed the night over dinner, but his definition of ‘discussion’ is telling me we will have a bath first. To be honest, this sounds heavenly right now, as my cunt was not only sore, but slightly torn from last night’s activities. I am still taking in my surroundings when he turns to me.

You haven’t found the bed’, the boy states in his usual demanding voice.  

Duh, I know that. Give me a minute- I think to myself – not wanting to speak too much as I am trying to finally give some thoughts about tonight’s activities. There is a door next to the kitchen, which I go ahead an open. Nope, that’s the laundry room. Must be downstairs, then?  

I glance down the stairs and voila – there is an almost invisible sliding black door right next to the entrance which explains why I missed it the first time around.  

My eyes can’t quite believe what it sees when I finally open the door – a superking four-poster bed takes centre stage of what is the most elegant and equally filthy bedroom I have ever seen. The smell of jasmine hits me as I go down the stairs and admire the double-ended bath that sits right next to the bed. On the wall, an illuminated Gabrielle d’Estrées et une de ses sœurs watches over me.  Next to it is the wetroom, with a walk-in shower big enough for at least 4 people. Black satin robes hang by the door.  Every single detail in this room has been carefully thought out to scream sex as loudly as possible. And it works.  

I lean against one of the posts while the boy decides to lie on the bed. Even though I am facing away from him, I can feel his eyes on me…and I can tell he is giving me that look of his that always puts me on edge.

My brain, which has been mostly absent through all of this, has finally decided to make an appearance. The boy is planning to take the lead tonight. ‘Fuck’ I tell myself. ‘Why did I not realise this sooner?’

‘Do I even want to do this?’ I ask myself quietly.

I am trying to come up with the answer to this while staring at the illuminated painting. I remember seeing it at the Louvre many moons ago…that was a nice trip…’Focus Lilith’ I tell myself.  

So, am I correct in thinking you want me to submit to you, sexually? – I finally dare to ask.

He nods.

More thinking to be done. A part of me is delighted to finally get this chance – it is one I wanted for quite some time. Another part of me is scared, because I have always been in the driver seat, and giving up control is borderline on impossible when it comes to me. There is also the question of the boy in front of me – yes, his body is perfection, and I could devout myself entirely to his tongue but something about him troubles me deeply and I can’t put my finger on what it is.

If we are going to do this, then two things; one – I want a safeword…’ he rolls his eyes. ‘I am serious. And two, depending on how far you are going to push me, I need some sort of aftercare’.

He closes his eyes and smiles – the type of smile that drives me insane because he knows he has won once again.

Fine by me. On my part, there are also two rules – one, I don’t want to deal with your whining and your pointless complaints. You will obey me. And two, you will and must anticipate my every desire’.

It’s my turn to roll my eyes. Who the hell does he think he is? Such arrogance.

Sure’, is all I decide to say.

Perfect. No point in wasting time then. Your first task, as I told you over dinner, is to run us a bath – and to do it properly.”

Easy enough, I tell myself as I walk over to the bath, and turn the tap on, adjusting it slightly until the water is warm enough. Unlike most men, the boy likes his showers and baths hot. I know that much about him.

As I am bending over the bath, checking the water, he pulls my dress up, revealing my ass. ‘Whenever you are bending over, you must pull your dress up and reveal yourself to me. And when facing me, you must reveal your breast to me.’

Hmmm…the sound of his voice sends shivers down my spine. His voice…..have I told you that I have a thing for his voice and the way he speaks?

The boy grabs my waist away from the bath and pushes me on the bed. He stands tall over me, his hair sheltering the light around me so all I can focus on are his eyes.

You are to refer me as either Master or Daddy – what is your choice?”

My first instinct is to laugh, and I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. The boy can’t surely expect me to call him either on those names, does he? This is going to be difficult. Hmm…. Master is out of the question because he is a stranger really… and Daddy? Well, the boy is more Giacomo Casanova than Daddy but that will have to do.

Daddy’

That’s settled then. Go upstairs and fetch us a drink, lil one

Did he just call me ‘lil one’? And why I am so turned on by that? Also, how dare he orders me around! First a bath, now drinks, what next? He can do it himself! Well, I guess not…I did agree to do this, so I must at least try. But why am I so bad at taking orders? I wish I could slow things down a bit and maybe get a cuppa….yes, a cuppa will calm my nerves, because goddammit, I am nervous. Oh well, the show must go on.  

I head upstairs and open the fridge – a bottle of what looks like prosecco greets me, alongside the two cans of Guinness we had from the night before. I read the label on the prosecco and smile – the host has printed a Hitchhiker’s inspired label. She must be a fun person, to own a place like this.

Stop getting distracted Lilith! I yell at myself as I finally find the champagne sleeve, bucket and some glasses. I can tell I am taking too long.

As I walk back downstairs, the boy, sorry, I guess we shall refer him as Daddy now, is looking at me and not very nicely. He pins me against the wall as soon as I get to the landing and warns me sternly; ‘what did you do wrong?’

My mind races to the last thirty seconds but fails to find the mistake. He asked for drinks and I got the damn drinks. Think, woman, think! What have I done wrong?  

Think harder’ he groans as my words fail me

My brain, upon seeing all this unfold, decided it was not her thing and left the building, so rational thinking is now out of the window. I just need a minute – a minute to sit down and have a cup of tea and get my head sorted. But I can’t think, not when I can feel his grip on my wrists and his breath on my neck. Think, woman, think.

Oh, damn it, it’s my dress! It has ridden up as I was carrying the drinks, covering my breast!

My dress’- I finally mumble

Took you long enough. Drinks down. Kneel on the bed…now.

I can feel my body trembling as I try to put the drinks on the bedside table without making a mess and kneel on the bed. I can sense he is waiting for something…oh yes my dress! I pull it and tuck it slickly behind my panties so that my cheeks are exposed.  

Daddy comes over and starts rubbing my cheek with his palm….and smack! The stinginess takes my breath away and reminds me rather quickly that I am more of a ‘thuddy’ than ‘stingy’ kind of girl.

You bought this onto yourself lil one’ he says as he lands another one, hard and fast, against my cheek. I bite the pillow hard and pray that was it. Two smacks….I am definitely out of practice if that is all it takes these days.  

Enough for now. Sit., he orders.

As I sit on the bed, he invites me to follow his gaze around the bed.

Look around you. Anticipate my next move’

Around me there is a blindfold, some black rope and an envelope. I grab the envelope – it’s deep blue with gold swirls around it.  

Shall I open it?’ I ask as my fingers start opening it and grabbing the card.

What did you just do?

Fuck.

What did you just do?

I bite my lip. How can I possibly me this bad? Seriously, why cannot I just follow orders?  

I take a deep breath.

I was going to open the envelop without waiting for you answer’, I admit quietly.

‘On your knees

NO! Please

On your knees’, he demands.

As I turn towards the bed I make a mental note to try harder next time. Honestly, right now would be the perfect time for my brain to make an appearance.

He gently rubs my cheeks.

It seems you are a slow learner’, he mocks.

Sorry

Excuse me?

I feel the sharp sting once more as his hand hits my skin hard.

Sorry, Daddy

That’s better

I can sense his hand moving towards me once more, and I shift my body away from him. He pulls my hips back one handed. I forget how strong he is.

Do not flinch

He lifts his hand. I flinch again – I can’t help it.

What did I just say? Do you want to disappoint me, lil one?’

Fuck. Somehow I actually don’t want to disappoint him which makes me uncomfortable. Grabbing the pillow, I bite down as hard as I can so I can control my body and wait. Any sense of time is lost – has it been 5 seconds or 5 minutes? I wait….and then let a scream when he finally hits my ass again.

Four hard spanks. Well, now I truly know my limit.

Daddy tells me to sit back on the bed and open the envelope. There is a blue card with my name on it. Inside, a simple message ‘Happy May 42nd’. I smile at the inside joke. My mood finally lifts a little, and I hate to admit it, but my cheeks are feeling deliciously warm.

So, lil one, anticipate my next mood; the bath is running, the drinks are ready- what is missing?’

I look around, desperately trying to think… but my brain is still chilling by the beach it seems cause my mind is blank and all I can feel is my heart trying to leave my chest. Why can’t he tell me what to do? Why make it this hard?  

Sorry Daddy, but I don’t know

‘Aghh… do I need to teach you everything, lil one?…. Think of this morning. What do I before getting ready?

As I sit here, trying so hard to figure this out, I can’t help but feel so annoyed at him. How can I possibly know what he wants next? We have only met three times, and he knows I have purposedly avoided any sort of ‘getting to know each other’ because he is meant to be a passing fling. The deal was three dates and end of it. But I guess I should have paid more attention.

Think about this morning’, he repeats, growing inpatient.

Come on Lilith, look around you. Drinks? Check. Bath? Still running. Toys? I can see them all around me. What else does the boy want?? Oh I know!

Music!’, I let out, a bit too excitedly

Finally. Let’s hope your learning speeds up’

I quickly run upstairs and dig the laptop from his bag. Pausing for a moment before heading downstairs I stand still trying to catch my breath…I really need some time to adjust (and did I say a cuppa?) but something stops me from asking for it. Its too late now – I just need to run with this and hope I can finally settle.  

I place the laptop on the bed and walk towards the bath aware that it has been running for a while. I close the tap and check the temperature – still hot. Relief.

His hand grabs my waist as he sits on the bed, pulling me with him.

Your body has been away from me for too long. I want you to sit on my face, lil one’

As he lies on the bed, I hesitate. Is this a trick? Is he going to punish me for wanting his tongue on my cunt. Surely this is a trick – its what I would do if I was in his position (I can be a mean Domme). My hesitation is registering as defiance, and as I look at him, I know I’ve messed up. Again.

‘Why do you keep defying me, lil one? Must I do everything around here?’ His tone is not only stern, but he is raising his voice. This is not good a sign.

‘On your knees’, he demands.

I think I am about to cry. I can’t take another spanking. It’s not so much the pain, which yes, hurts like crazy, but more the act itself. Its humiliating, which I get it’s the point of it all but my mind is struggling with all of this. No point in arguing really so I get into position and try to zone out. He comes from behind me and gives me the lightest of taps.

‘Will you question my intentions again, lil one?

No, Daddy

Good. Sit on my face

Relief washes over my face as I count my blessings. Trust him, I tell myself – he hasn’t given you a reason to distrust him in all this time. Just this one.

As I sit on his face, I feel his lips kissing my inner thighs, slowly working towards my cunt and all my worries suddenly melt away. There is something about the way he moves his lips, and grabs my ass with his hands – its intoxicating.

He pulls me slightly away from me – ‘How does it feel?

Nice, Daddy

Nice is a noun. I want you to describe to me how does it feel’ he demands as he pushes his tongue inside me.

With my brain yet to make an appearance I try to find the words to best describe how amazing his tongue feels….. its so good that all the languages I know have ceased to exist. Focus Lilith – I tell myself. How does it feel?

‘It feels like…waves, a current of pleasure…moving slowly…. along my spine, taking over me……’ – never has talking become such a struggle before.

‘Good’

After what seemed like no time at all, he pulls me away from him and hands me his glass. I let a disappoint cry. I didn’t want him to stop.

Fill both our glasses, and get in the bath

For what seems like the first time, I obediently do as I am told and try to hand him the glass.

Hold it and get in the bath. As you are’

I glance down at my dress, which is pulled down, exposing my breast. He raises an eyebrow, waiting. I guess I will have a bath with my dress on!

I step slowly in the bath, one foot at a time, glad to feel the water still hot. As I slowly lower myself, trying not to spill the glass, I lean my head back and close my eyes, finally allowing myself relax. The warm water feels heavenly against my sore cunt and cheeks. God, I needed this bath so badly.

Daddy sits by the edge of the bed for a brief moment – watching me. I can’t quite figure out what he is thinking and it drives me insane, but I am exhausted and in much need of this break.  

‘Turn around, facing the wall’, he commands after a few minutes.

So much for a break, I tell myself, but I can’t deny that I want him next to me. He steps into the bath as I get on my knees, facing the wall. I feel his lips on my back while his hands squeeze my breast firmly. I can feel his hard cock against my thighs, and I immediately open my legs, displaying myself to him. I let a low groan as he enters me – my cunt is sore but I don’t care, all I want is to feel him inside of me. Would I ever get boring of this feeling, I wonder.  

He fucks me until I can’t take the pain and need to push him away. He kisses me gently on my shoulder and sits back, allowing me to turn around and sit back on the bath. He hands me my glass of prosecco and I empty the glass in one swift gulp – the golden liquid helping me get into the mood of the night.

We sit at opposite sides of the bath for a while, staring at each other. I am holding my glass on one hand whilst rubbing my clit gently with the other.  And for the first time since our first encounter, I finally take a look good at him. I follow the delicate but sharp features of his face with my eyes, taking a hundred pictures with my mind for posterity. Daddy has never looked as good as he does right in this moment. He has this thing where he flips his hair to the left and then rest his face on his hand that I find so incredibly sexy. His sharp jawline, high cheekbones and the way he looks at me – I could happily make this my last memory. I close my eyes savouring this moment, for a shift is happening inside me, taking me by surprise. I know this feeling…it is the same one I had a few years ago when I tried to submit and didn’t get as far as this…it’s a feeling of discomfort, of vulnerability…my brain, it seems, has returned from its holiday and does not like what it sees. The love and awe I had towards the boy has vanished and now my body wants to run away. I close my eye and take deep breaths. ‘You are doing fine Lilith, you are enjoying yourself and everything feels good…just.let.go’ I try to reassure myself.

Sensing something in the air, he tells me to get out of the bath and kneel on the bed, with the dress still on. I welcome the distraction, and do as I am told, feeling the dress drip with water as I leave the bath.   

Daddy stands behind me, staring at what, for tonight, is his possession. I feel his fingers applying the cold lube between my cheeks before inserting what feels like an butt plug. As I struggle with the pain, Daddy grabs my neck and whispers ‘breath, lil one’ which instantly puts me at easy. He gently reaches for my face, kissing me on the lips before getting up and leaving the bed.

‘Put your head down and don’t move’, he orders.

As I sit there, with my ass in the air, I catch a glimpse of him behind me. He sips his prosecco before getting into the bath again and leaning his head back while I am sitting here, completely exposed. This is so humiliating and yet….something about this is so deeply sensual that I can feel my cunt getting so wet is dripping down my leg What is wrong with me?? How can I let him have such control over me? How dare he?? The battle inside my brain is starting to get too intense, and I can’t seem to find a way to truly let go.

Before I have the change to continue my inner battles, Daddy gets up from the bath and lies on the bed next to me, looking as delicious as ever….how can I say no to him really?

‘Get on top, lil one’

He doesn’t have to ask me this twice, that’s for sure. I slowly get up on my knees, careful to keep the butt plug inside of me as I lift my right leg over him so I can sit on him. I reach my hand to the butt plug as to keep it in place while I push his cock inside me when I realise…it’s a pony’s tail! I can sense my face going red immediate, as Daddy let out a laugh and winks at me. How dare he! But I can’t help and laugh back. I always wondered how a tail may look on me so I must remember to look myself in the mirror.

He fucks me hard this time, grabbing my legs down so I can’t move away from him. His lips are biting hard on my nipples and I can no longer tell what’s pain and what’s pleasure. All I know is that I feel as if my body is going to explode in a million tiny pieces. It doesn’t take long until I come- its intense and painful, and makes my body shake uncontrollably. My body and mind have fully shut down, given up on any sense of control and I can feel my eyes filling up with tears.

Daddy senses that something has gone amiss.

‘Do you want a break lil one?’

‘Yes, Daddy’

‘Do you want to be alone? I can give you a massage’?

‘Alone, Daddy’

He gets up as I collapse in the bed, burying my face in between the pillows so that he can’t see the tears running down my face. I can sense he is standing over me, watching me for a second with some hesitation, before going upstairs. A part of me doesn’t want him to leave me, but he is a stranger after all, and a stranger he will remain. As I lie there, I finally let the tears run free for as long as they want to. Why am I feeling so upset? Because I did this with a stranger, or because even when presented with a perfect Daddy, I am still unable to truly give up? Is there something wrong with me? What am I hiding away from?

My body and soul are too exhausted to figure out the answer, and before I know it, sleeps grabs hold of me.

I guess you could say I make a lousy submissive.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s