{30 Days of D/s} A Sense of Community

With things in the UK opening up (ever so slightly), it feels like the possibility of fetish events happening again is a little more than a mere glimpse of hope. It is with this in mind that I write today’s post which is all about the community, and the importance of it.  

When I speak of the community or the scene, I am referring to both, the kink and the fetish scene – because even if different, they still have more in common than not. Know that this is my personal experience and feelings on the scene, you may have different views, and that is perfectly fine too – all constructive opinions are valid.  

Community has not always been something I viewed positively – I understand that as a human being, a sense of belonging, of being part of a pack is part of my DNA, but my childhood meant I was always ‘the new kid’ or even worse, ‘the weird new kid’. Community was a foreign concept to me, and it stayed that way right up until I discovered the scene at the age of 25. Prior to this, my inner circle consisted of only my best friend from uni and my ex-husband. In many ways that suited me fine as I enjoy my own company, but I can’t deny that a part of me craved a different social construct.  

Fast forward six years, and the community is one of the things I cherish the most. Not only has it allowed me to attend some amazing events and have some amazing play scenes but it is this community that resulted in meeting my OH, and my ‘inner tribe’. I have met some of the nicest people I have ever met -people who treasure my weirdness and who know that as an introvert, sometimes I need to step back and take a breather. It is through the community that I have learnt how to be Dom, a sub and everything in between. It has taught me how to flog, whip and use sensation play as a way to disconnect from the world. Its lessons go beyond the realm of fetish – because to be truly absorbed in fetish, you need to be a good communicator, empathetic, patient and honest. Traits that can help in all facets of life.

I have met some individuals that don’t hold the same opinions about the4 scene, and I can understand where they are coming from. Parts of the community are very much ‘clicky’ and there is some friction between those who have been in the scene from a long time and the newbies. It is also still very largely dominated by white middle class individuals and then there is also the bad apple here and there. So yes, things are not perfect, and it will never be. On the diversity side, it is so good to see the younger generation creating the new wave of events which understand the need for POC to be more included and the challenges they faced. The scene is also very good at kicking the bad apples as far as possible. There is still so much to do, but the importance is that its members all share the same love for fetish, consent and respect for one another.

So if you are new to fetish, I honestly recommend that you find your local community and find what suits you. Even if its just a munch, many have talks/demonstrations at the start which are packed with great advice that will make your journey that much safer and enjoyable. And if you don’t know where to look, Fetlife is a great starting point to see what will be available in your area (covid permitting)

Here is to more wild nights in the near future!

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