So it seems Christmas is next week.
Next week.
How is that even possible? I know this year has been…hmmm… challenging to say the least, but with the festive season soon approaching, I wanted to share a funny and interesting anecdote with you.
A few years ago, a good friend of mine had her eye on a fancy dildo but she couldn’t justify the expense at the time as she was in full time education. I just recently got a pay-rise and I knew her birthday was coming up so I decided to get it for her. On the day of her birthday, I gave her the gift nicely wrapped and told her ‘best to open it when alone‘ and I winked at her. Her eyes open wide and they sparkled as the penny dropped. She was over the moon and I was so happy that I got her gift right. The day after her party, she hosted a brunch with some of her friends. One of her friends asked her what she loved the most about the previous night, and my friend responded along the lines of ‘I got to spend time with everyone and I had the best night with my new Dragon’. I started laughing as I knew she was referring to her new toy, but as no one else got the joke she explained that I gifted her the dildo she has been wanting for a long time. This is where things turned interesting – her friends were mortified at the thought that I bought her a sex toy.
And then the questioning began.
“Isn’t it weird that she will think of you when she uses it? Do you fancy her, is this why you gave it to her? Are you saying she can’t get a man? How do you know this is what she wanted? What if other people saw it last night? Isn’t this a bit crude?“
My friend was about to speak up and defend me, but I just smiled at her and put my glass of bubbly down while trying to contain my laughter. I wanted to explain the rationale behind my gift.
First of all, to be my friend is to accept the fact that I am open about most things – including sex and BDSM. Specially the latter, as it does play an important part in my life. I don’t understand the stigma about sex specially in this day and age and I think a lot of the issues we encounter with sex could be have been avoided if there was more communication. So it is the most natural thing for my friend and I to talk about our sex lives. We talk about the sex we have and the sex we want to have. We also ask each other for advice on certain things we may be struggling with. It is part of the friendship that we have.
Secondly, when it comes to gifts, I am someone who wants to be able to give something that would be useful to the other person. I don’t do gift vouchers, unless that is what they really want, and I am not for one to gift candles, unless, again, they really want one. I don’t give everyone sex toys. A friend who recently moved was complaining that her kettle was really old so that is what I gave her. Another friend wanted a videogame, so I purchased that. Gifts should be thoughtful. On this occasion, my friend have been going on and on about this toy so it was second nature for me to buy it for her.
I am blessed to have friends who also view the art of gifting in the same way – I have been gifted anything from a remarkable glass dildo to some very special edition sci-fi books.
And no. Giving someone a sex toy doesn’t mean they will be thinking about you when they are using it. Who/what do you think about when self-pleasuring? That idea/person is still going to occupying your head space when the time comes. My friend had a massive crush in her local pub’s bartender- and trust me, that guy was in her head regardless of whoever gave her the toy.
After my small explanation about the gift, her friends started to nod and even agree that actually it is not a bad gift at all. And that is my point exactly. Sex and sensuality should not be taboo. It is part of who we are, and it is so important to have a healthy view and relationship with your sensuality.
So this Christmas, don’t be shy. If you want a sex toy, a sexy underwear set or even a scented candle from Yankee Candle, don’t be afraid to ask for it. And if you know a friend has been eyeing up something from LoveHoney, then don’t be shy and make her/his/they day! If this year has taught us anything, is that we should make time for all things that make up feel good.
On a side note, I have decided to open a Ko-fi account. If you enjoy my writings and want to support me, paying for a cup of coffee is a much-appreciated gesture and it will allow me to continue to write about BDSM, Sensuality and the Macabre.
Thank you to everyone who reads my little corner in this vast space we call the internet!
A Sense of Clarity 