*A little note: I wrote this entry back in June but didn’t post it back then for reasons I fail to remember now. I have a more recent post coming up where I discuss my recent absence and is a lot more BDSM orientated, but I need to find the will power to post it, so bear with me. Also, to the new people who have suddenly signed up to this blog, a big thank you and welcome!*
Today’s blog entry is a bit different than the usual BDSM stuff (as you can see by the title) as I guess this lockdown of sorts (or new way of living) has made me more aware of how I live my life, and what I prioritise in my life.
Growing up, I attended an all-girls catholic school (*insert jokes here*) so all my friends were girls. Boys were alien to me – a different species altogether and I never really mingled with any of them until I reached puberty and I started fancying them all.
Years later, as I became more aware of my sensuality, I became addicted to the feeling of being wanted by men. Add to that the fact that most of my hobbies were ‘boy hobbies’ (blame my Dad for wanting a boy so bad) and suddenly my entire circle of friends was composed of men. In ways it became a bit of a shock when in my early 20s a guy friend asked me about my female friends (he wanted me to set him on a date) and I realised I didn’t have any. Not a single one. I felt girls were ‘mean and bitter’ while guys were easy going and would tell you things straight. I didn’t need girls in my life, or so I thought. In reality, I was envious of the women I saw around me – I felt they had their lives all sorted out and I was trailing behind. They were funnier, smarter, more beautiful than me. and I didn’t want to face the music, so I channeled all my negative feelings and thoughts on to them. And it showed – I would despise the women I met; I would act cold and distant. So of course they stayed far away from me. I don’t blame them – I would too!
When I first got involved in the scene, I wanted to work on my BDSM journey, but also on certain grudges I was holding on to. That, in turn, meant that my inner circle started to change and to my surprise, I started forming female friendships again. I must admit, I didn’t realise until then just how much I’ve missed them. These women were not bitter or jealous, they lifted each other up, and were always wanting to grow – to be better people, to do better in life. They were there to listen when I was feeling confused and lost – they understood my conflicting emotions more than any man ever could – and they became my safety blanket.
Now when I meet a girl who says that ‘doesn’t need female friends’, I can’t help but wonder what is she afraid of. Growing up we are told to be wary of other girls, to make sure you are the best of the bunch. And sadly many girls still have this perception of competition – but not competition for the best jobs/careers/life, but for the attention of men. And that saddens me, because we are beautiful, amazing creatures and if anything, men should be doing the fighting for us, not the other way around!
During this *waives hand around in dismay* thing we call 2020, my friendships is what have kept me going, specially my female friendships. We have cried together, laugh together and simple hold space for one another. That for me, is priceless.
Female friendships are a necessity for our overall mental health – they are a source of empowerment, support, encouragement and love. I wish I could have known then what I know now. We, as women, need to understand that we share a lot of the same struggles, and that united we are better, stronger. Leave the bitterness and jealousy behind. You like the way she dresses? Ask her where she gets her clothes from. You like her make up? Her swag? Her lifestyle? Compliment her and know that she is most probably thinking the same about you. It is okay to feel like you want other things in your life, and it is okay to look at other people and wonder how they go there. Some women may help you, others will not, and that is okay. Remember, in these challenging times, be kind.