{BDSM LOCKDOWN} Distance Dominance

Another week, another idea to keep us busy while the world tries to battle this nasty virus.

Today I want to talk about Dominance & Submission, and how this lockdown can be the perfect opportunity to venture into this fetish, specially if you and your partner are not in lockdown together.

D/s forms one of the core pillars of BDSM, and it’s something that most of us in the scene have tried at least once during our journeys. For many, this is a way of life, while for others it is a safe, sane and fun way to bond together with their partner. It can provide stability, guidance and focus in a relationship, specially during challenging times like now.

D/s comes in many ways and forms, and as long as it involves consenting adults, the possibilities are endless. The key is consent, respect and communication.

If this is something you have always wanted to try out but never knew where to begin, this lockdown is the perfect opportunity, as it enables you and your partner to remain close while you are physically apart.

As I am a straightish girl, who mainly dates Dom males, my ideas are heavily based on this dynamic, however, some of them can be adjusted to suit other dynamics as well. Be creative and have some fun!

So, here are some ideas you could try this week:

  1. Prepare a List

Prepare a list for your sub to do – they, in return, have to send you pics/vids to prove they have done given tasks. The list can be as mundane as ‘laundry/dishes/workout’ to more naughty ones such as ‘use this sex toy/don’t wear undies all day/orgasm deprivation/send a naughty pic’.

The possibilities are endless, and it would keep you and your sub focused. You can either send a list of a few things to do each morning, with evidence to be provided by a certain time, or you can send her surprise messages and they have a certain amount of time to complete them (if their schedule allows it of course as I know some people, like me, are still working from home).

You can incorporate punishment if a task was not done on time, or was done incorrectly. This is something you will need to discuss together but punishment can be as lighthearted as you wish. Some options can be having something they don’t like for dinner, no communication for a specific time, no treats, or my personal favourite, 30 burpees without breaks (and they must be done while on a video call!)

And of course, do not forget to reward your partner for a job well done. That could be as simple as words of encouragement, to maybe sending them a small gift, or if they don’t leave too far, drop them a care package at their door at night (respect the social distancing rule!) A sexy reward would be a webcam session if you guys are into it! (Takes time to build courage but it is great once you master it)

I suggest to start with things that are light hearted if this is something new in the relationship, and to always discuss how each person is feeling and if you want to take things up or down a notch. As you build trust and confidence, you can introduce more tasks and more serious punishment/rewards.

2. Technology is your friend

If we were doing this lockdown back in the 1960s then things would have been a lot more difficult than right now. We have Amazon prime, Netflix, Disney +, whatsapp, Zoom, and a million and other things that help us stay connected through distance and time. So let’s use them, alongside some of the newest toys in the market, shall we?

The Lovense Lush 2 App Controlled Rechargeable Love Egg Vibrator is not cheap by any means, but oh boy is it good! One of you can control the vibrator using the app, while the other person enjoys the sensations. It can be linked to music as well so it follows the rhythm which is always fun.

So, how would you use this in a D/s format? Once again, the possibilities are endless, but an easy way to use this is as either a punishment/reward toy. You can deny her orgasms (making it a punishment) or you can allow her to go wild with it (certainly a reward). She can also use it while you watch, which is a win-win situation for both.

If app operated toys are too pricey, then you can do the ‘Go & Stop’ game. You are both on the phone (or webcam for the brave) and get her to play with herself with a vibrator. When you say ‘Go’ she gets to play, and when you say ‘Stop’ she does just that. It is so fun to be in that position of power and it can lead to a great little scene.

3. Commands

Many aspects of a D/s dynamics are not sexual, so if you are after something more than the usual ‘sexy time’, there are a plethora of options you can try to develop a power exchange dynamic. Some of my favourites are:

Choose Clothes

Pick the panties you want her to wear, and she can then send you a pic as a proof. It doesn’t have to be limited to just panties – I know some Doms who choose entire outfits.

Health and Fitness

A Dom is someone who looks after their sub and ensures they are the best version of themselves. This means using your authority to ensure they are working out regularly. This is a task that is more inclined to more serious and committed D/s relationships but one that can be very satisfying for the Dom as he feels he is doing his best to keep his sub well.

Send Good Morning/Night Messages

This sounds so simple, and it truly is, but sending a morning/night messages to your sub can make a huge difference when distance is starting to take its toll. It creates a routine and its set the intention for the day.

So there you have it – three easy ways that you can introduce a D/s dynamic into your relationship while making use of the current lockdown.

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