I will be honest and admit that I was not sure whether to write this post or not as 2019 has been an interesting year on the kink front, to say the least.
2018 was a pretty horrible year due to many unfortunate personal events (losing my Dad, separating from my husband after 9 years), but one of the things that helped me during those terrible months was BDSM. It felt like the more my world was tearing part, the more BDSM was grounding me and giving me the focus and energy to keep pushing forward. This year was totally different, I had an okay year with no significant bad events, and the BDSM was just… awkward. In the mist of the routine and the calmness, my relationship with BDSM took a few steps backwards.
So, what happened?
The Good
Let’s start with the good shall we? 2019 was the year of trying new things. It was the year I tried electric play, needle play and my first suspension. All amazing experiences that made me crave sensation play a lot more. I also got in touch with my dominant side a lot more – I went to Pedestal three times in a row and had the most fun I have had in ages! I also started topping at conventional fetish nights (so not femdom nights) and really started to get a kick out of it. I got to play with some amazing people and had a great laugh during certain scenes which was also great.
I got to visit a few new dungeons this year, which has made me really want to turn my spare bedroom into a sex/debauchery room so badly.
2019 was also the year I met some great human beings. Believe it or not, I am very shy in person (unless I am three G&Ts down, then I am the annoying one who does-not-shut-up) so it is always such a privilege to meet new people who “just gets it”.
The Bad
Hmmm… so the bad. To be honest, it can be boiled down to two things: communication and alignment. If these are important in vanilla relationships, imagine how vital they are in BDSM dynamics!
As I mentioned above, the year started off well; going to lots of events, attending workshops, reading a hell of a lot of books and learning/playing with new fetishes. Things were looking up. However, I was doing all of this on my own, with no real understanding about how this would change the dynamics I have with the people I play with. And of course, that is exactly what happened. In the mist of all my excitement about the new and shiny, I started to side-track and I wasn’t communicated my needs and feelings to those involved. I was feeling and behaving differently. We tried in vain to get to basics- playing the scenes we knew so well, but I was a different person by then – I had done so much work on my own personal BDSM journey, that those scenes simply did not have the same effect to me. My inability to communicate these feelings, led to bad scene after bad scene which was not only irresponsible of me, but it hurt people in a way that could have been avoided.
There was no choice but to admit that the way I approached things were far from ideal – I was hurting the ones I cared about and putting everyone at risk (including me) on the process. We are currently working on getting our dynamics back, which in a way is nice, as it is almost like rediscovering ourselves again.
Looking Forward
So with the bad out of the way, let’s look forward, shall we?
2020. It has a nice ring, doesn’t it? Well, I should be finally be doing more of the things I keep saying I should be doing but never do. That includes:
- New Events
- More Play
- More Toys
- More Debauchery
And in terms of the blog, you ask? Well, expect…
- Sex Toy reviews
- BDSM gear reviews
- Interviews with some of my favourite people
- More in depth conversations about the topics people are afraid to discuss
So even though 2019 had its ups and down, I am so excited about the new year, and I already have some great content lined up, so watch this space!
A Sense of Clarity 