Sensuality is something that has been playing on my mind for quite some time. I guess it is because recently the majority of my clients or people I’ve met have been couples seeking a way to introduce BDSM into their lives.
I find that when couples want to incorporate BDSM or fetishism into their lives, they bring a certain air of sensuality to it. Whereas a lot of people I know in the scene do it for either plain sexual motives, the art and joy of sensuality is rarely seen. I am, myself, also guilty of it. I am always so focused on protocol and sensations, that the act of being/feeling sensual is not given a second thought.
I guess it is also worth mentioning that I’ve always had issues with my own sense of sensuality. In my teen years, I grew up way too soon, so by the time I was 13/14 I already had the breasts and hips I have now. I knew my body was seen as ‘sensual’ and ‘curvaceous’ and the attention it got was not unnoticed. From there on, I learnt how to walk in away that radiated sensuality, and I flirted, a lot. However, I was only doing it because I was trying to please men, which is as wrong as a reason as it can be. It made me feel like I could not own and enjoy my own sensuality, and that I was there as a mere object for the opposite sex.
A few years and many struggles later, I am slowly getting to know my own sensuality once again, and more importantly, taking control of it. As a woman, and as a sensual being, I find it so important to be in tune with my body, my feelings and my needs. And the more people I meet who are on the same wave-length, the more I see how positive and rewarding it can be to be able to be in touch with this part of our being.
So in this post, I want to talk about some of the things I have been doing to reconnect once more with my body, and to my sensuality. I hope these are useful to those who are on the same journey as me, and please, do let me know what your tips on the matter are as well!
1.Make Yourself a Priority
This is single handily the most important step I have taken towards my re-connection with my body. I work in the City as well as in BDSM, so time seems to always be slipping away from me. By the time I come home and cook dinner, the last thing I have in mind is to have some sexy time with myself. But this is being unfair to my body. A friend of mine once said to replace the words ‘I don’t have time’ with ‘I don’t care enough’ and it certainly did the trick. ‘I don’t have time‘ and ‘I don’t care enough about my body‘ certainly have two very different meanings. So now, once a week (and I do plan this in advance so I know it is set and non-changeable) I leave work 15min earlier and ensure I have a free evening for me.
2. Sensuality is Self Care
Create a routine that works for you. For me, I have a nice warm bath, with candles, soft music and a glass of wine. I then grab a nice erotica novel and let my body and mind delve into the mood I am creating. I focus on how my body feels and acts as I am reading, and I really connect with the sensations created by the water, the oils and the aroma of the room. Once I am done in the bath, I move to my bed and apply a generous layer of oil, focusing on touch and how my energy travels as my hand moves around my body.
This not only creates a safe space for my mind to connect to the body, but it has worked wonders on my stress levels and my mental state in general.
Before I started my meditation journey, I was once of those people who used to roll their eyes when people mentioned the importance of breathing. Oh how naive I was back then! Active breathing is something I do regularly now, whether it is during meditation, or when feeling stressed out. When I am doing this routine, I also very much focus on my breathing. I take slow but deep breaths and I move my hands to the rhythm of it. You will find that if you persevere with this, you will start feeling a tingling sensation on your skin as your breathing gets deeper and more connected.
4.Set your Intentions
There is absolutely no point in having a routine like this without being clear about your intentions. For me, I struggle to own my sensuality, but to also be able to confidently display it to my partner. My intentions during my practice are to align my body and mind, and to build a confident relationship with my body so that I can manifest it in the way I intent to. This is of course different for everyone, but for me, reminding myself of why I am doing this while doing my practice helps me focus.
I can only speak from a woman’s perspective but I am not alone when saying we can be so harsh with our own bodies. I know I am. About 2 years ago I lost all the weight I put on during my marriage, and this year, half of it went back on and I have been punishing my body for it ever since. It is not right or fair and it plays havoc with my relationship with my body. So whenever I am doing this practice I take the time to thank my body; for being strong, for keeping me healthy and for bringing me pleasure. It is my body, and I must be grateful and look after it the way it deserves to be looked after.
6.It Is All In The Small Details
After my practice is done, I am always in a state of calmness and ecstasy. The energy that I feel from active breathing and touch is sensational and gives me a glow for a day or two. However, it is important (for me, at least) to translate this practice into my every day life. I feel the most attractive when dressed a certain way, while sipping a vintage tea cup at my desk, or when walking a certain way, or wearing a fabulous coat. I also feel more conscious about my body and I ensure I am giving it the respect it deserves, so I am ease on the treats and I exercise a few times a week. However, I also treat myself to something every week – it can be a glass of wine at a nice bar, or a new book. My practice assist me to be confident in myself – in body and in mind.
Well, this iwas my two cents on the matter. I’ve realised that I managed to write quite a bit, but I guess once the mood strikes, the rest is history!
I hope this is helpful to some people who may also be struggling with this. This is a subject I find utterly fascinating and I am sure I am not the only one, so feel free to message me.