Ahhh…femdom…. I’ve been waiting for the right time to finally prattle on about this kink, because as a switch, I tend to go through phases where I am feeling more subby, and other times, more dominant. And what can I say? The past month or so I have definitely been more in touch with my dominant side so what better time to discuss it than now?
It is hard for me to really describe when I knew I loved dominating others. In my vanilla life I tend to get my way in most things, but not in a Dominant or forceful way – nothing gives me more joy than finding what makes people tick and manipulating their behaviour so that I get what I want whilst making them think it was all their own doing. Actually that sounds a bit mean, doesn’t it? But hear me out, I am too kind and nicey-nicey to do something that is harmful or insensitive to another person, so I always have my boundaries. If I can get my way and not hurt anyone on the way, then why not? My day job is also one where I have to make decisions, and a lot of people lean on me, so in group situation I find it very easy to slip into a leader role.
Kink wise, when I first got into the scene I was a little so I definitely took a submissive role at first, specially as I wanted to learn everything and anything. However, I did notice pretty early on that anytime I was given the slightest amount of power, I would overtake the power exchange almost immediately. Even now, sometimes I find myself topping from the bottom which is horrible, I know, and is something I am working towards controlling.
Like with everything in kink, for me what excites me when I think of domination, is the mental state involved- there is something so rewarding about knowing that the scene you are about to take part in will enable you to be in control. I also really take pride when submissives grant me their trust – that responsibility sits heavy on my shoulders but it is a weight I enjoy carrying. In terms of the type of scenes I love the most, well, as with everything with me I love variety, so it can be impact play, CBT, humiliation, role play, mummification, breathe play…. the list just goes on!
A thing I find curious about my relation with dominance is that I actually really enjoy dominating women. Whereas I find almost impossible to submit to a women, I really *really* enjoy dominating women and some of the best scenes I ever had as a femdom have been with women. There is something really captivating about a soft, feminine woman being pushed to their limits. I have been extremely lucky to have some amazing girls to play with and the chemistry and experience have always been phenomenal.
As a Dominant, I am not one of those sadistic people with the ‘I am the Domest of all Doms‘ mentality. I enjoy the sensuality and the spiritual approach of a scene. I want my scenes to mean something, to create a bond and in a way, to be a journey between two people. If I am flogging specially, I also want to make it look beautiful – I want the sub to feel important and that they are part of something deep and beautiful. Seeing a submissive pushing their boundaries, or even them pushing mine is something very special to me.
Being dominant is also something I really enjoy at events. When I am with my OH at an event, it is natural for me to become the bottom one but even then, my heads goes through a million emotions before the scene – whereas if a friend of mine came to me asking for me to top them, I never have a second though – it just put a smile on my face.
I guess this makes me a switch with a more dominant streak but I don’t think that is the entire picture – as mentioned before, I go through stages and I think a lot of people are like me. Emotions and feelings are constantly changing, and what you may like today, you may hate tomorrow. That is just how life is. You don’t have to chose and set yourself boundaries. You are not stuck in a box forever. You can be anyone you want to be and you can enjoy the kinks you want (as long as it is with consent).
So if you keep seeing me in Pedestal or Club Domina, then this should explain why! (and you should come and say hello, even though I am ridiculously shy!)
A Sense of Clarity 