Well, now that we have touched briefly on my very first kink in my last post, I think it is only natural to continue the series with the kink people know me from the most, and that is impact play.
I feel impact play is the most popular of the kinks, alongside bondage, because it is the most accessible. You only really need your hand and a consenting bottom to get the party started , which is also why most fetish clubs caters for this type of fetish the most. For me, as for many of my friends, this fetish started in the most vanilla of ways – you are in the bedroom with your OH and suddenly *BAM* you get a slap in your bum cheeks. For some, the kink stops there, whereas for others, this small act leads to an entirely new world. And that is the beauty of BDSM, and impact play in particular – there are so many ways you can go on about it, the chances of getting bored of it are pretty slim!
So, how did it become a fetish?
Around the time I started to regularly attend events, I had quite a strict set of rules and boundaries (as I was married to someone vanilla at the time), so impact play became that one thing where I could be involved with someone without actually breaking my boundaries. At the beginning, my approach to impact play was from a femdom perspective, so I started with riding crops, then moved on to floggers and canes, the latter becoming my favourite for a long time. At the very beginning, my scenes were as far from sexualised as possible (boundaries, you see) so I was very much focused on gaining skills and learning about the way skin reacts to certain types of stimulation. The connections I built during those scenes were platonic, but they were still vastly rewarding, so I was hooked. I felt powerful, but also responsible, as I knew the safety of the submissive was in my hands.
I met my OH and things took a 180 degree turn. He was (and is) a Dom, and one who is well known for his flogging. His aurora is very dominant, and I knew from the very beginning that there was no way on earth he will be on the receiving end of the tails. And to be honest, I did not want him to – I loved the fact that he had such an effect on me, as I was never the submissive type, but with him I turned into the little girl I always wanted to be (oh..don’t you love when fetishes combine together?) So, the natural step was for me to hang up my flogger momentary and to lie on the bench for the ride… And what a ride it was! The first scene was a complete eye opener – I obviously knew how each instrument felt on my skins as I am a great believer of testing anything out on yourself before trying it to others, but to have a ‘proper’ scene was something else – it was painful, intense and all sorts of things came running through my head. It was so surreal to find myself submitting, being so into this guy, and the pain, oh god the pain. (looking back I laugh at how I always thought I was able to take pain, when in all honestly, I am a big baby at heart!) However, the pain wasn’t the most difficult part to deal with. It was the emotional side that shocked me. I was having questions like; ‘if he loves me, why does he hurt me? What is wrong with him? Why is he doing this? Am I not good enough for him?’ Then I experienced my first subspace and as with everything where I have no control over, I freaked out about it and didn’t even enjoy it. It was then that finally the penny dropped – I was, until that point, a femdom, so I knew the answers to all of those questions. Of course he loved me, and of course he didn’t want to actually hurt me. This is about power exchange!
Overcoming my fears
When I finally took the time to think about my feelings and emotions, things became much easier. My OH was amazing throughout my journey, as he was more than happy to not continue with this fetish if it was too much for me – but I am stubborn and I knew deep down I could make it work. So we did scene after scene, and we communicated throughout. We have had bad scenes, as well as good ones, and each one has been a learning curve for the both of us – bringing us closer together. There are certain things I will forever hate (canes!), while others I love (thuddy floggers). But above all, is the connection we have that matters to me the most. Our scenes are not hardcore, and that is fine, we don’t submit to the notion of ‘performing’ and we simply don’t care if others are watching/judging us. For me, stepping into the spanking bench is a sign of love – I am submitting to the man I love, and I am about to take physical pain for him. No other act I do weights the same as this single act, and for this reason, this has become our precious little fetish. No one else gets to top me, no one else gets to inflict pain on me. No one controls me, but him.
And that is the beauty of this fetish – it allows me to play both roles as and when I wish to. I have always said that I am a true switch, and this becomes very apparent when doing impact play. One day I could be at Pedestal flogging away, and the next day I could be at AC being whipped by my OH. I hate admitting it, but allowing myself to be dominated has resulted in me becoming a much better dominant. I am able to not only focus on my skill set, but I find it easier now to connect to the bottom on an emotional level, to the point where I can get into domspace often. As a sub, I understand my body so much more, and I can learn to truly let go and let my emotions flow.
It is honestly, the best thing!